Reconstruction is Done!

Sorry for the long abscence and no news. Mom has asked again and again for me to blog. It's usually about this time at night that I find the time and lately I've not been in the writing frame of mind. I've been really tired.

Mom & I have the reconstruction surgeries behind us. She was looking forward to hers, whereas I was not! But we are both thankful to be done.

After Mom's reconstruction, she has done better each day. She still has days where she "tanks" but she is getting around the house & actually (unfortunately for her) doing some chores. She is still not able to do any heavy lifting or pushing but can at least clean the kitchen. Dad is overjoyed & has decided that he's off duty after almost a year. I figure that he's not caught up to Mom's "45 years of marriage work", but he graduated a different math school than me :)

She just came to spend the night with me & we had a great visit. It's the first time since last January that she's been able to be with us at our house & we enjoyed her so much. She has lost 35 pounds, has no clothes that fit & has furry cute silver hair coming in. She has black patches that amaze us. Dad calls her a dalmation. We love her hair short & silver, but we'll see if we can convince her to leave it that way. I'll post pictures as soon as I can.

She is doing really well except for neuropathy. Her hands & feet stay freezing/tingling & she is constantly rubbing them. She is to go in next week for blood work to see if the oncologist should increase her medicine.

As for me, my reconstruction was October 20 & it was harder for me this time than last. I say that.... but last time, I had more time to recuperate & had more drugs. (obviously... for those of you that visited me. So sorry Linda Rich!!!!) Be very careful using the word "girls" around me these days.

Anyway, my surgery should have been about 3 hours but ended up being almost 7. The doctor worked & reworked to get things right. My back muscle had to be tightened on the side of the cancer & he went back through most of my scars to clean things up. My back & right side are the problem areas, but they will pass. I am trying to get to where I can lay on that side for sleeping w/out hurting. I know I will feel back to normal again, but the road there is tiring sometimes. I have NOTHING to complain about....I've been enormously blessed....just ready to be back to "me". I went back to coaching about ten days after the surgery but could only talk to the girls. I can not lift my hands above my head all the way yet & I certainly can't show them any basketball moves :) I get the older girls to help me demonstrate. My team of girls is precious & very understanding & careful with me.

I still have stitches but will get them out soon. I think most of you would want me to spare you the details from this point on, but I'll just say that I am close to being a "finished product" & Mom is not that far behind. ha ha! I go strong for a few days & then have a day that I tank & have to rest most of the day. I have not been given permission to do any work outs or any major pushing or pulling. Darn! Housework will have to go to someone else :0 I'm going to ask my doctor to continue to give me that prescription for a while.."no heavy housework".

Mom & I have fun comparing aches, battle scars, laughs, & all else. We are on the downhill side of this whole journey & are so thankful. We've been blessed with precious, Godly men who stood by & took care of us through it all. We could have never made it without them! Dad has been to more doctor appointments with Mom than he has for himself his whole life & Steve has been a Mr. Super Mom this whole time. We have had amazing friends support & love us, bring us food, transport my children, keep my children, send cards, & pray. God is so good & has made this journey, which we would have never wanted to take, such a blessing in many ways.

As always, thank you for your prayers. We still have a little ahead of us, but for the most part, the bad is behind!!! Please continue to pray for Mom especially....that her CT scans, bone scans & blood tests continue to be negative. Pray for her strength physically.

Mom's reconstruction surgery

Mom had her reconstruction surgery yesterday & did great. She woke up much easier this time & was not in as much pain. She is hurting & on morphine, but MUCH better than last surgery.
The doctor took the expanders & the chemo port out & Mom is very very very happy about that!!

She may get to come home today, Saturday, but we have to wait on the doctor this morning.

I'll keep you posted. Thank you for your prayers. She is on the downhill side of all of this!!

New News

Ok..........so it's been a while & Mom is constantly asking me to update the blog. I have no idea if there are 25 or 250 of you reading, but I'll do this for you :)

There is no new news on me.....I have my second reconstruction surgery on October 20; Between volleyball & basketball seasons at our school. I coach volleyball & basketball so I'm trying to take as little time off as possible. I am doing better every single day & getting stronger & stronger. NOTHING to complain about. I am blessed!!!!!

Mom is having her second reconstruction surgey on September 18. She CAN NOT WAIT. She is SOOOOOOO ready to have her "tires" taken out & replaced with semi-normal breasts. She should only have a one night hospital stay & then be home to recuperate. Please keep her in your prayers. As "ordinary" as this may be for the doctor, this is definately not ordinary for Mom. She is anxious but very ready. Of course, EVERYTHING is happening the same weekend. It is not only homecoming with my children's school, but I have responsibilities with my coaching job that requires me to be somewhere the night of her surgery & early the morning after. This may keep me from being able to spend the night with her as I would like to do. She says she is fine alone, but that is NOT an option.

I have some pictures to post, but have to be at Mom's house to do it. My computer will not work for some reason, so I'll get those on asap.

She is recovering one day at a time, but is pretty miserable with some side affects of the chemo medications. She has horrible neuropothy in her hands & feet. By the time nightfall hits, her hands ache all the way to her elbows & makes it hard for her to use her hands. Please pray that this will go away soon. Several friends have told her they are still feeling the effects of chemo many many years after, but our God can do anything!!! :) Mom has said several times, that she would chance the cancer spreading in lieu of the side effects of chemo, but speaking for her family......we are thankful she has had & is done with the chemo. We are not willing to take any chances that the cancer had spread. She is strong & will look back on all of this as a blessing.

We are blessed every day with Mom & love her more than she can imagine. I'm so proud of her & thankful for every day that passes on the road to her FULL recovery!

Thank you for your prayers, constant support & love!!!!!!

Status "quo"

Mom has wanted me to update the blog, but I ask "why?" There is no change as of today. Tomorrow she will visit with the plastic surgeon & hopefully set a date for her last reconstruction surgery. She is still in pain with the "fills". If you've seen her, you know she is a little ummmmmmm , well we'll say "uneven", but she is hoping to get this fixed as soon as possible. She should be done with the fills, & may know tomorrow when her surgery will be.

She is doing much better. Just trying each day to regain the strength she lost due to not eating & laying in bed most days. She came to our house last week & was looking great. Michiel said she was so cute the other day in her turban wrap & makeup. She is beginning to lose her eyelashes & eyebrows after the chemo, but she is a trouper & taking it well. She is trying each day to do more & more to build her strength. She is really enjoying eating! After so long not being able to enjoy food, she is having a good time when Dad takes her out to eat. She is sounding much better on the phone. Little by little the progress is visible. She is doing great! I'm so proud of her. Living through what she's lived through is only REALLY appreciated by someone that's been there.

She & I still have a road to go, but I have NOTHING to complain about. We are still having to take pain meds periodically, but our road is completely downhill from here! Especailly hers!! Thank God we are both on the road to recovery & complete healing that can only come from our most high, most awesome, most compassionate Lord!!! He deserves all the praise.

Thank you for your constant prayers, thoughts, cards, food & support! We love you for all you've done for our family!

Doing well

There is no news to report except that Mom is doing great! Her mouth sores are gone !!! Yeah!
Her biggest problem now is regaining her strength & her feet are swollen. They say it's from the medicine, but they are really bothering her.

She went for another fill in her expander and hopefully this will be the last one. She now has to decide when she wants to do her reconstruction surgery. I'm trying to get her to do it with me so we can share a hospital room :) My surgery is October 20, but I think she wants to get hers done earlier if possible. The plastic surgeon will take out Mom's port & I know she wants that gone ASAP.

I found out this week that I DO NOT have the Brac 1 or 2 gene!! Yeah!! That puts my children at no greater risk than the normal population. Such a praise! I was very relieved to find out. IF there is a family gene, the risk is no greater than any other woman. Doesn't make total sense to me, but I'll believe the professionals.

Mom is sounding better & feeling better. She is able to take phone calls & answer emails now. Returning to everyday life will just be a slow process. Patience is what her doctor said. It may take up to 6 months to feel back to her old "new" self again.

Thank you always for your prayers & letters!

FINISHED!

Mom went back to receive fluids, talked to her Dr. & was released from any further chemo!!  Thank you Lord!~  She has one last appointment in August & then she'll be done with having to visit the oncologist.  I'm not sure when she'll get her port taken out.  She will also have a few more appts. with the plastic surgeon.  

I will have another reconstructive surgery October 20, but I don't know when her 2nd surgery will be planned.  She will probably need to give herself plenty of time & the doctor said that there was no rush.  Maybe by the end of this year, surely the 1st of next; Mom & I both will be cancer free & all treatments done!!  yeah! 

She is trying to do more....not chores, just getting up & around.  She & Dad have gone out to eat some & they even came all the way to my house (45 min.) last night to eat dinner with us.  It was a great treat to have her at my house for the 1st time in 6 months!  She was doing great!  She even walked upstairs.  A huge workout for someone who's been down for such a long time.  She ate great.  Food is tasting wonderful to her again after it being so long since she could eat.  Her mouth sores are gone.  The oncologist told her that hers was the worst case of mouth sores he had ever seen.  Pretty huge!  She is extremely weak & shaky from the treatment.  Dr. said it would be as long as 6 months before she felt like her "old" young self again.  Dad thinks her hair is starting to grow a little.  He loves to pet her head & play with her bald spots. 

I just wish I lived closer to bring food & help get her out more, but maybe she can get to some of our children's sports activities in a few weeks.  Anything out of her bedroom is cause to celebrate!

Thank you for your constant support & prayers!!  I don't know if one or 100 people are reading this, but I do know there are some awesome prayer warriors out there & our family appreciates you more than you will EVER know!!  What a blessing to share such an awesome GOD!~

** please pray that Mom continues to get stronger w/no setbacks & also that my genetic testing come back negative for the brac 1 & 2 gene!!! **

No more chemo hopefully!!!!!

Mom went back for another round of fluids last Friday.  She still has low blood pressure (weird for her) 90 something over 60 something.  At least it's coming up.  Her feet and ankles are very swollen.  The doctor will be back sometime this week & will want to see her, but we all believe she is done with chemo!  YEAH!!!! She is now trying to regain strength.  I'm so proud of her for getting this far!

We went to visit tonight, it had been a while since she felt like company & my girls wanted to see her.  She was much better than last time I saw her.  We fixed her something to eat & she did great.  She is back to being able to eat so much better.  Such a praise.  Thank you Laurie for your meals!!!!  I don't know what Mom & Dad would have done without your family!  You've been such a blessing!!!  You are our family :)  Edmonds & Petty's  constant visits of encouragement have meant so much!!!!  Even the times Mom could not get out of bed....especially those times for Dad!!!  I love you for loving them!!!

We are on the uphill slope.  All the bad should be behind both of us.  I go on Tuesday to the genetic counselor to figure out if I have a gene to be aware of for my girls.  (& for ovarian cancer) :)  fun times !   

God has been so good to us.  We are both survivors....Mom having gone through more than me, but God has not put either of us through more than we could bear.  I know chemo would have DEVASTATED me & my husband & children.  I am so thankful I am spared that treatment!!!  Yet, I feel guilty because Mom had to walk that road & I did not!    Each breast cancer survivor's  journey is different, yet the same.  I have talked to 3 friends lately that were recently diagnosed!  Thank God we have modern technology to find cancer early, but you HAVE TO GO BE TESTED!  Please! The key is to find it early.  

**please pray that Mom's doctor agrees with no more chemo, mouth sores leave for good & I don't have the gene to pass on to my girls!!!!!! ***

Thank you for being faithful friends & prayer warriors!!

Final Round of chemo

Mom went to the oncologist today.  Her oncologist is out of the country so she saw his associate.  The only one that can sign off on Mom's chart (for her to be done & get the port out) is her oncologist.  So.....she was not allowed to do chemo due to the mouth sores.  Her blood pressure was extremely low (60 something over 30 something) so she got fluids for being dehydrated.  She was very very weak, of course.  She will go back Friday for another round of fluids.  

Mom has only a certain number of days to receive her final round, but the doctors & oncologist nurse said that Mom has been receiving high doses of chemo and that she will be fine.  Mom is great with not having any more treatments:)

She is just weary of being weary, but is on the uphill journey now.

Thank you for your prayers!

No new news

There is no new news to report except that Mom is scheduled to have her 6th & final round of chemo this Wednesday. She more than likely will not have the last round because of her mouth sores. If they are not gone, she can not have the chemo. Her fever & chills are gone, but she is just extremely weak & tired & she says her mouth feels like it is on fire.

I know she has several phone calls that she has not returned. Please do not be offended if Mom does not call you back. She has a hard time talking but will make the return calls when she feels better. She appreciates all of you thinking & loving her! You can leave a message for her to hear on their home phone...214-295-6248.

She will go on Wednesday to find out if she has to have the chemo, but if not, her oncologist says that he is not worried. She has gotten plenty & he is confident that she has gotten the treatment that she needs.

**Please continue prayers for Dad (caregivers have it rough!!!) & please pray Mom's sores disappear quickly. Thank you for your continued support & prayers. It's a long journey & I know Mom gets lonely sometimes. I wish I lived closer. **

Mom's 5th round of chemo

After the 5th (she only has one more to go!) round of chemo, Mom began that day doing everything she & the doctors knew to ward off those horrible mouth sores.  She was good for about 4 days & then they came back as bad as always.  She had to go for fluids for a 2nd time because she could not get enough due to the mouth sores.  She has had 103 fever this week. At first they thought it was the dehydration, but now think it is the mouth sores.  She is on another antibiotic but seems to be feeling a little better today. 

She found out the spots on her arm were shingles.  I guess they just presented in a way that the oncologist & dermatologist had never seen. Weird.  But they are fine now.  I also found out that my CT scan was normal.  My only appt. left is to see a geneticist.  (I want to know for my daughters).

** Please continue to pray for Dad. It's so hard to be the caregiver & have to stand by being able to do nothing to help the one you love while she is so miserable.  Pray for the mouth sores to leave! Without them gone, Mom won't be able to finish her chemo. **

update on Kristan

Last week was spent getting bone scans, ct scans, x-rays & blood tests. Fun times. I met with the oncologist & he said I would not have to have chemo, radiation, or hormone therapy. He was very impressed with the work the plastic surgeon had done (made me feel good because he sees a lot). I could not have been given better news!!! I am more blessed than I know.

I told my husband Steve that I truly believe God knew I would lose my mind if I'd had to have radiation or chemo! When God says He won't allow you to be tested beyond what you can bear, I can give living testimony to that fact. I would have LOST my mind. After being with & watching Mom, trying to help her, run from her house to mine, spend time with my children, begin coaching in the fall & try to help my husband with our crazy schedules....I just know it would have more than I could have taken. I can take a lot but was careless when & I guess I dared the devil, because when I found out May 13 that I had cancer also, I walked around my house in a fog saying over and over and over "you will NOT win", "you will NOT win". He's trying his best with our entire family........ I assure you, but he will not win :)

Our family is strong, our faith is strong & our Godly friends are strong! I love the story in Exodus 17 where Moses & the Israelites are winning the battle as long as Moses holds his arms high. As Moses gets weary his arms began to lower & they begin to lose the battle. So, his brother Aaron & friends hold his arms for him and the Israelites begin to win again. God's people won the battle then & God's people will end up winning the battle now. We all help each other. This is one of my favorite stories because it shows that it takes all of us helping each other to make it through the trials in our lives!

My bone scan results were clear, praise GOD!!! Still waiting on the other tests. I have, however, had to take myself off my medication. I was taking valium for the muscle spasms. I was home with Emily, my 10 year old, & fell with every ounce in me into our wooden, marble table. I caught myself with my right arm and abdomen but it scared me!! I called the doctor & they said it was dehydration & to stop the pills. Every day I get less and less dizzy but still fall over if I lean down sometimes. It's frustrating! I was feeling great about 4 weeks out of surgery & then the dizzy thing, but I guess it was the valium making me feel great because I can definately feel the spasms returning. I am drinking & drinking & drinking & drinking (water :)

I've been told that the valium made me a walking truth teller & that I rambled on & told the same story over & over. Who knows who I talked to & what in the world I said. ha! I guess some of my friends know me better than they'd ever planned so please let me apologize!

I will try to be better on the blog now that I'm up more & able to type. I have no idea how many people follow, but Mom is always asking me to update. Thank you for your total covering of prayers for our whole family!

*Maybe say a special prayer for Dad. He's been through so much with Mom & then ends up taking me to appointments when Steve is out of town. He has taken care of Mom every step & has been taking care of me a lot too. He has so much stress that few of us realize. Please say an extra prayer for him. He's about to his maximum testing point too, I think.**

Late Blog

This post is late because it's taken me a while to write AND to get the drugs out of my system so I could see to type :) This was originally posted June 23.

About 2 weeks after surgery I spent a week or so crying .....just crying. I can't always give a reason. Sometimes, its' because someone sent a sweet text telling me they just got their mammogram. Yeah!! Sometimes, it's because a group of girls I've loved & coached wore pink ribbons in my honor to their game, then I received a charm bracelet from friends & other girls I'd coached at Grace Prep. The bracelet is one of the most special gifts I've ever been given. Precious to me!!! Sometimes, it's just processing the whole "cancer thing". I don't understand or know?????? I came home one day last week & traumatized my 15 year old because of my crying. It was wailing.......complete sorrow from everything in me. She was precious but I know I scared her. It's ok, she'll grow from it I know. She fed me dinner and laid in bed with me. (We were the only ones home).


This is only going to make us all stronger. The Bible tells us this & we know by the other trials we've lived through , but it's still so hard sometimes. You just feel alone. Even with the COMPLETE COVERING OF PRAYER from so many friends and family, it's amazing you can feel so alone.

Thank you so much for your prayers for all of us. Our whole family is being attacked by Satan in more ways than you could imagine. Please please continue to keep praying! We appreciate all of you!!!!

NEXT TO LAST!!!!!

Today was Mom's next to last chemo! We weren't sure she'd be able to receive it due to the sores on her arm & mouth, but she did. Her blood counts are really good on all levels, she has not gotten sick & has done fabulous to this point. We are so blessed & praise God that there is only one more treatment to go.

She found out the sores on her arm that were biopsied were shingles. H E L L O !!! Has a dermatologist never seen shingles before???? It was probably the chemo that made them present in a different way but frustrating that mom had to go through the 3 biopsies. Her arm is healing & feeling better.

God has been blessing Mom & Dad in so many ways. Two angels came with a special gift basket ......you just never know what God has in your future. All in God's time........God will always provide.

**please pray for mouth sores. Mom has been doing EVERYTHING possible to ward them off but they are starting again. It's hard to understand her when you talk to her. Please pray they go away!! ***

3 doctor day visiit

Today was a beating!!!! Mostly for mom. My friend Mitzi (who loves the gory & gross) voluntered to take Mom & I to our doctor appointments. At the plastic surgeon, I had to have my back fluid aspirated. He did a great job & I did a great job of not passing out :)!!! Mom got one of her last fills (she may only have to go a time or two more).

Then it was on to the oncologist for them to look at mom's sores on her arms. (I don't remember if I explained that besides the miserable sores in her mouth, she has 3 on her left arm) The Dr. had never seen anything like them before & put her on a powerful antibiotic 2 days ago. The spots didn't seem to have spread but the oncologist sent Mom to a dermatologist. Mom had to have all 3 spots biopsied (I left the room . Wasn't feeling to fond of needles at that point.....thank goodness for Mitzi. She helped mom). Hopefully we'll find out results in a few days. The dermo thought maybe shingles???? They just looked strange & gross b/c of the chemo. Mom has been having to take pain meds for her arm they hurt so bad. So I guess the shingles would be awesome compared to flesh eating bacteria something or staph!!!!!

Last stop for Mom today was to get fluids. She has hurt so bad in her mouth , that she crys when she trys to eat & has to drink from a straw as far back in her throat as possible. Bless her heart......it's just one thing or another, but that's satan's legions are aiming for! We are on to their schemes & they might as well vacate the premises. We are covered in prayers & satan has no chance.

** Please pray for mom's left arm sores & that her mouth sores LEAVE!! If they are not gone by Wednesday, she can't have her 5th (& ALMOST FINAL!!!) round of chemo. She's just pretty low right now & needs a break somewhere ..... well.....not an actual bone break you understand :) **

Please keep the cards and packages coming. She loves them.!!!! She loves the ones with gift cards in them also. They are a great way for Mom and Dad to eat w/out having to have people continue to bring dinner. *** Thank you for beng prayer warriors for an awesome strong precious lady.!!!

again forive the drugged typing. so hard and takes so long so that's why the posts are few and far between:)

blog update

 This blog is supposed to be about my mom....not me, but so many of you are asking and "keeping up" this way.  I think it's a great way for me to express my thoughts (when I am able to type b/c of the valium......go valium!) so I guess I''ll continue doing it for me & mom. Please forgive the typos.  You have no idea how hard it is to type 2 words a minute :)

I have to admit the last several weeks have been some of the toughest of my life.  Besides being miserable w/drains, incisions down my back, reconstruction in the front & just the pain itself, I've been beside my mom who I've never seen so miserable.  My surgery pain gets better each day, all drains gone, dr. visits every few days (joy), I have valium (that's a life saver for muscle spasms).  But, after the 4th round of chemo, Mom got the worst mouth sores she's ever had.  She would talk like her tongue was 4 times it's size & has to drink from  a straw to get the liquid to the back of her mouth past the pain of the sores.  She's fighting so hard & I tell her that we are so proud, but she says she will never do this again.  Of course we would all say that in the middle of misery, but she is at a very low point. 

I came home today for a few days ( I have a dr. appt. on Friday)  I needed my family & got out to see some of my children's sports......go valium!  It felt so good to be out & in familiar surroundings again. But Mom can't.  The only place she goes is to the doctor or out on her back porch.  

** please pray for her spirits to stay positive & strong. Pray for her mouth sores to disappear!!!  God can move mountains, He can certainly take away ulcers in a mouth***

My sweet family with me.

The best man I know, my sweet husband ......& my drains (hidden under my shirt thankfullly) :)

Fourth Chemo and Fourth Drain June 10, 09

I have completed my fourth chemo today and feeling good, But I know in a few days I will be in bed with flu-like symptoms again. Tomorrow I get my dreaded shot and Friday I will get my fluids so I don't get so sick. Even when I feel good, I still battle with exhaustion and weakness. I get dizzy and feel faint sometimes but I celebrate that I only have two more chemo sessions to go and I will be DONE!! I still face surgery for reconstruction but am looking forward to a cancer-free life!

Kristan had four of the six drains removed and is hopeful to get them all out tomorrow at her appointment. She is doing amazing well but is still on some serious drugs and that keeps her feeling tired and weak. Her breasts are healing impressively well and they are just beautiful. Her incisions hurt and she still feels pretty beat up but she is happy with her progress. She PREACHES in her sleep for every woman to get a mamogram and if you admit you haven't gone she will get mighty UPSET!

Huge thank you for everything that everyone has done for all of us. One day we will be able to show you our appreciation but for now, just know that we love you so much and are so thankful for all you have done and are doing for us. Kristan and I feel stronger because we are facing this together and also with all of you. We want you to know that we are attacking this head-on, with humor, with laughter, with tears and with Faith!

Carolyn

Kristan's note

Today is the first time I've felt like siting w/my arms up typing, but want you all to know that I am COMPLETELY overwhelmed. Sweet Kimberly Cox Grogan filled in for me, & I appreciate her so much! It was a long 11 hour surgery & a very very hard goodbye to my sweet husband, but I had no doubt that my family would be covered with prayers & friends. I had to tell him he was my hero because of ALL he is going to do & is doing, but there were SO MANY heroes for him & my dad in the waiting room that day! I can't even begin to express the words that you mean to us for giving your support.....some of you all day. ALL DAY......hours and hours and hours. That to me is being "Jesus" to our world. I know you made an impression on the doctors & nurses that were seeing the crowd of support. It was an awful day for mom having to stay home waiting to hear news but I think dad filled her in pretty good

Coming out of surgery was awesome with tears not of pain but of joy at seeing my family & dear friends. I may not remember all those from the days to follow but I DO remember those that were with me when I woke up. I was worried about being under anesthesia for so long, so it was a relief to hear & see you all. Thank you Jenny for bringing my/your carload of children to see me. It meant the WORLD to me to see them.

I'll write more later.

On the road...

Thank Heavens... Kristan has left the hospital and is now resting and recovering in the comfort of her Mom's house. We couldn't be more happy with how she is doing. As always, she and Carolyn would appreciate any prayers and words of encouragement. Kristan and Carolyn read the blog daily and love to hear from friends and family -it is the highlight of their day. During the next several weeks both Kristan and Carolyn will need some help. They could always use meals (I know Mike would appreciate this also..), visits when they feel up to it, and emails or phone calls. Thanks again for all the prayers, but please keep praying for Carolyn as she battles on and for Kristan that she will continue to get stronger each day. Also, remember Mike, Steve, and the kids as they deal with the pain of watching their precious loved ones suffer and pray for their strength and patience during this time.

The Day After

Kristan had a very rough day yesterday. She and Steve were met by her daddy Thursday morning at the hospital and she was definitely feeling the weight and stress of the upcoming events. After final preparations and a very tearful goodbye to Steve and her dad, Kristan was wheeled away to surgery. The next 12 hours her family and many friends waited and leaned on each other for encouragement, a listening ear and even humor. Kristan stories were flying, cancer stories circulating, everyone was loving each other and the fellowship was amazing. How Awesome is a God that brings people together in even the scariest of times. Kristan and Carolyn have brought many of us together, at the Lord's feet, praying and pleading for the health of our precious girls. After a very brutal day of surgery the reports were all GREAT. There was no more cancer and all went as planned. Kristan was overjoyed at the sight of her precious daughters, her amazing Steve and her family and friends. Her tears of joy at just being alive and on the OTHER side of cancer were so moving and the sight of her opened eyes and precious face lifted all of our spirits. She is hurting yes, the pain is sometimes unbearable, but she is a fighter and most definitely a survivor like her MOTHER! She says her back feels like she had the most intense workout of her life and her breast area is really hurting her. Her arms ache from being in strange positions for so long during the surgery and she is very tired. Anyone who gets the chance to see Kristan, take a little time to rub her hands, arms or her feet and let her know through your touch how much you love her.

Kristan got to see her Mother today. It was a very sweet moment when they embraced and shared such a new and strange connection. They share cancer and the pains of it. They also share the joy of knowing the love and support they have from so many people. They will soon share the ELATION of being cancer-free! Carolyn is half way through her chemo treatments and she is getting stronger every day. Please continue to remember Carolyn as her fight continues. It is long and it is tiring. As much as we rejoice knowing Kristan is OK now and will heal in the hands of the Lord, Carolyn is still in the midst of battle with her cancer.

Kristan will be in the hospital for a minimum of 4 days last I heard. She will then do her recovery with her Mother, next to her Mother, in her Mother's arms. Of course, Mike, Carolyn and Kristan will need help. They will need meals, they will need helpers at the house, they will always need prayers!

The most important message Kristan and Carolyn want out of this ENTIRE crazy thing is for all women to GET A MAMMOGRAM! Do not delay, go today, go tomorrow, but go and go often. (I am preaching to myself here too!) If you do not, Kristan will come after you with tee shirts, pins, banners and you will eventually go because she will be after you until you do!

More updates to come!
Kimberly

Reality

Today marks the last day until "d" day. It makes me sick, sad, shocked, hopeful & expectant all at once. Is that possible? I am not wanting to see Mom now, because she represents what I could be........ That's so unfair to her, but it scares me to death to see her so sick, hairless & hurting. I DO NOT WANT TO BE THERE!~

I realize she will be much different in a few days , but right now, she strikes the fear of chemo into me! Then I take a few steps back, re-access and realize that I will do what I HAVE to do to survive. As much as it would break my heart to follow in her steps, I could and would do it! I have a MIGHTY GOD behind me. I am having to lean more & more on Him right now. Being honest, I have to admit that a 10 hour surgery really scares me! BUT, I know that I have a phenomenal surgeon, many prayers being said for me & more friends than I am able to count praying for me. God is faithful & I have to trust in Him to carry me when I'm paralyzed by my fear.


As a mother, I want to make it all right & ok for my children.....I can not do that. It is humanly impossible. I am stressing trying to get it all "together" before I go into surgery. I have to realize that if they miss a summer league volleyball or basketball game, the world will not end :) I realize a lot right now.....how unimportant is your favorite t.v. show??? ...........how unimportant is that argument you had with your spouse?????........ how unimportant is the fact that the toilet seat is up, the clothes are on the floor in the bedrooms & the kids have left "little pieces of themselves" all over your house???? Priorities are being set & the reality is that SO much just does not matter in the big scheme of life. Houses cleaned are nice, clothes picked up are a luxury & shows are mostly dumb fluff. I want to focus, & I want my children to focus on the "real"! On the important things in our every day living. Taking food to someone, sending a card, being kind to one another, saying how pretty someone looks that day......these are the things that MAKE A DIFFERENCE!


I hope to change someone's life by my experience. I hope someone is scared into being tested, finding the cancer early & living for their children!!! That is my wish!


IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR ME.......... get a mammogram. Get tested! Save you life & be here decades to come for your husband & children. That would be the greatest gift you could ever give me (and yourself). It won't get any less scary the longer you put it off. Go today! NOW! Make your appointment. Please!!!!! and let me know when you've done it. Those emails make my day! They are a blessing.

Obviously I am up & not in bed like I should be, but I still have miles to go "before I sleep"...ha!

I won't be writing any more for a while, but I will find someone to do it for Mom and me.

Thank you for all the prayers for our family!!! Wow....the Lord can show you some awesome things in horrible times!!! There have been many many people who have come to my "rescue" and they will never know what they mean to me. Thank you in advance for all you are doing for my family. Thank you for the precious scriptures, emails, & texts.

It's 2:20 a.m. , 3.5 hours before I have to be at the hospital, & the scripture coming to my mind is "be still & know that I am God". Even though I have had my moments of sheer panic in the last few days, I really do have peace in whatever is ahead.

***please pray for no spreading of my cancer to my lymph nodes & pray for Mom's mouth. She has the bad sores again & they are very painful ***

Graduation

Sadly, Mom wasn't able to make it to Whitley's graduation. She was very weak & wobbly.....feeling like she has the flu.

This is her "down" week. She is in bed most of the week. Next week she'll be much stronger & the one after that, she'll be herself again.

The days just didn't fall right.  She has seen all the pictures from Dad and me.  The good news is that she will make every graduation for the next 9 grandchildren because she will be CANCER FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HALF WAY THERE!

Mom had her third round of chemo without getting sick again!~  Praise God!!!  She is doing great.  She had her shot today & will begin to feel achy, but is going to try her best to get to Whitley's graduation.  She wants to go really bad, but says she feels like she has the flu.  She is going to get IV fluids the day of graduation in hopes that will give her the extra "umph" she needs  to get up and go :)

Graduation is a small school private ceremony with about 60 or so graduates, so it won't be long.  If mom can just get there to cheer Whitley on, it would be awesome.  Whitley has come so far and worked so hard.  We are all very proud of her.  She just returned from her senior trip in New York!  Fun times!  

Mom has been very focused on me lately, which I guess is a good thing.  It definitely gets her mind off of herself.  She has been very supportive of me and my decisions.  She went to the surgeon's  appointment with me.  You'd think she would know all there is to know, but each case is vastly different.  She is in agreement with me and my doctor to do the bilateral mastectomy.  She also met me today (after her shot) to meet briefly with the plastic surgeon & get all the info on that aspect of my surgery. Yikes!  Will be nasty, but TEMPORARY!  I will be in the hospital 4-5 days at a minimum:)  The chemo has affected her thinking because thinks she'll come visit......but we'll see.  I think she needs to stay home away from all the virus, strep & swine flu running rampant in hospitals! ha! 

I will admit, even as an adult, I wonder how it will be to NOT have my mom "taking care" of me.  She's always been there....every baby, every trial & every surgery.  I realize I am SO BLESSED & ok..........a bit spoiled. I guess it's time I grow up huh?....Yes!  I'm woman enough to admit  it.  

All will be ok.  I have many friends who are precious & willing to take the reins.    You may ask where my sweet husband is?????  Well....I'd rather him stay conscious throughout this whole ordeal.  If you speak the words "needle" or "intubation tube" to him, he is VERY likely to pass out.  He will be there to hold my hand & then go home to hold our children.  That is where he needs to be.   He has promised me the 1st night's stay & that is all I need. God gave me a precious Godly man!

** Pray for Mom to be able to make it to graduation & for all of us to make it through graduation! *** 

The Blessing of Mom

What a privilege it has been to take care of Mom!  It has truly been an honor.  She has sacrificed everything for her family & I love that we (her family & friends) have been allowed to show her how much she means to us during this time in her life.

I have to admit that I was a little unsure & afraid of being with her while she was so sick.  My mom has always taken care of me & I've been mother to my children, but Mom's never needed me like this before.  I've never been the "mom" to Mom......it was such a role reversal.  I had no idea what to expect & I wasn't confident that I could do it.  I wasn't sure I'd be all that she needed.  I wasn't even sure that I would be able to handle her pain & help her with all of her physical needs.   All of a sudden, she became opposite of what I grew up knowing her to be.  She has never failed to be there for all of us; so strong. When she was pitiful in the bed not able to move her arms or do anything for herself, it was very tough to watch. She's always been the strongest woman I know & it broke my heart to see her completely helpless. 

But, being with Mom was a blessing........ in so many ways! More than I ever imagined.  She & I have had some precious times together....times I would trade for nothing and will always treasure.  

 

I found out last week that she & I will have the opportunity to be sharing many more of those times.  My surgery last week showed cancer & I will be having a bilateral mastectomy May 28.  I know....I know.....it's C R A Z Y!  satan is doing his best.  But he WILL NOT win.  What he intends for evil, we will turn to good.  Ironic that we've been studying spiritual warfare at church!

It's a shock, gross & so many other things, but there are many blessings already apparent. The tumor is not invasive.....only 10% of all tumors are non-invasive.....HUGE blessing.   Unless there is something hiding, there will be no reason for me to have radiation or chemo.....HUGE HUGE HUGE blessing!  Because of Mom's history, my "young" age :), margins not being clear, more suspicious spots  & a 70-90% chance for cancer returning, my doctor recommended this treatment. I can say without a doubt that this is much harder to digest when it's someone you love as opposed to the diagnosis being your own.  I believe it's more terrifying to be the one watching your loved one, than it is being the patient. Of course there are fears, concerns & questions, but I have the strength of a mighty God behind me!

 

I now know that God had a plan all along.  Jeremiah 29:11.  

He knew that I needed to walk with Mom every step of her journey in order for me to accomplish mine.  He knew that I would have been terrified had it not been for Mom laying the path before me.  Mom makes me proud, she gives me strength.....she is my inspiration! Because of Mom, I know it can be done.  It will be hard, painful & miserable at times, but I also know it's temporary.  Very temporary. There is a purpose & I can do it. We will walk this sick, tough, weary, nasty road together.  

I hesitated to add this to her blog, but she has been insisting.  There is also the reality that I won't be blogging for a while after the 28th, soooooooo, I didn't want whoever is out there reading this to wonder if I forgot about my mom. ha!

Mom has overcome so much in her life to become the loving wife, mother & friend that she is. I LOVE  & APPRECIATE each of you that honors her with your words & prayers.  Bringing Mom before the throne of the most high God is the greatest honor you could give, & having people care enough to pray is the greatest gift of all. There is such peace in knowing that others are carrying her to Jesus.  Please continue to pray for Mom & our whole family.  I am afraid this will be the toughest on my children & husband.  Many many many blessings are ahead & I know this, but it's still a road I was hoping to avoid.   A friend sent this to me, "The steps of Kristan/Carolyn are established by the Lord, and He delights in her way.  When Kristan/Carolyn falls, she will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds her hand." Psalm37:23-24. 

What is there to worry about? Could we be in better hands?????

** Thank you for your prayers !!**

No News is Good News!

Mom has been doing so well!  She even ventured out & came to a volleyball game of my daughter, Emily.  My children were THRILLED to have her in Arlington.  She was so cute in her turban.  

I am so thankful that I have no news to report except that she is doing GREAT.  Losing her hair has been freeing for her & she loves to walk around wearing nothing (on her head that is :)

She goes for her 3rd treatment on May 19.  She will be half way done!!!  I keep telling her how proud I am of her and that she only has three............T H R E E ...more treatments (after this one).  She can do it!

** Please pray that she will feel well enough to attend graduation for my step-daughter, Whitley.  She graduates May 22 and we are praying that Mom can make it the hour trip to Arlington to share with us in Whitley's huge accomplishment. ***

the Bride of His Youth

SHHH, don't tell Mom I put this on. She does not like this picture of her but I LOVE it! I caught Dad kissing her goodnight. He keeps saying he likes her "cute little Q ball head". They've been married for 45 years in August.....that's real love.

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

It's been about a week since Mom's 2nd round of chemo. A new side effect this time is mouth sores. She has sores from chemo all in her mouth & throat that are bothering her. This round has been much better than last time....she never got sick, praise the Lord!, & she is getting stronger each day. Things are pretty steady. Still doesn't feel like dancing, but....

This week was a little different for us. Without worrying Mom & Dad, I had two biopsies & an MRI for a mammogram that came back atypical. SO......I finally had to tell them because I had surgery on Tuesday for an "excision of the biopsy site". Steve brought me back to Mom's to lay in bed beside her so that we could rest together. She said there was nothing she could do but hold my hand, but that was enough. So, we've spent our week side by side. It was a sweet time with Mom. We've been taking care of each other this week holding hands, laughing, taking "chemo head" pictures & enjoying time together. "Nurse Mike" is LOVING life! ha! (He's ready for a job change.) We know our situtations could be so much worse, but how ironic for everything to happen at once. Satan is trying but he won't succeed!

I've taken pictures of Mom but she doesn't want me to post them...understandably. We had a visit from cousins in Florida, Suzanne, John & J.J., so we'll post those. Sarah, Rachel & Emily saw Mom for the first time since she shaved her hair & they had a hard time. It's shocking to see, especially for the children.

**Please continue to pray for strength & positive attitudes**

"I wanna hold your hand"

2 Down......4 to go!!

The 2nd round of chemo was yesterday & mom did great. She did not get sick; was just a bit tired.  She went today for the dreaded white blood cell shot.  She is feeling weak & wobbly.  Her handwriting is "f" grade right now.  ha!  We have been asking her to let us write her thank you's (w/her dictating).  I think she's going to have to give in, because there is no reading her writing right now :O

Her blood count was great so they only gave her 1/2 the amount she got last time!  A HUGE praise!   The doctors think that it wasn't the shot that made her so sick but a combo of the shot, upset stomach(dehydration) & the chemo.  We'll be hopeful this time around.  She is also going back tomorrow for fluids.  Staying hydrated is the most important part & the doctors are making sure she stays that way.   We are prayerful & hopeful for a MUCH better few weeks this time !

Michiel was the only one brave enough to honor Mom's request to have her head shaved.  Mom said that no one else was in the room & it was special between the two of them.  He was very sweet & gentle & she feels much better having it gone.  Her scalp began hurting & the hair was everywhere, so she was brave & made the leap.  She feels much better.  I don't know that I could be so brave!  

She says to thank you for the prayers & every post, email & card you send.  They are the highlight of her days!  

Thank you Stephanie for your potato soup & Ann Ellison for the chicken n dumplings  recipes !!!

** Pray for minimal weak days & for this treatment to give her hope for the rest of the months ahead. Pray for no dehydration!!!! **

Anxious but good

One week from our last blog, Mom is doing much better. She is up and around the house. She could actually walk around Wal Mart but has no desire to do so, & I say that's perfectly fine. I am thankful for these good days! Thank you Lord for the small victories!

She is not eating much, but is wanting "comfort food". (If anyone has a fabulous recipe for chicken & dumplings, potato soup, etc... please send to me.)

Mom is doing well. 1000 times better than last week, but her hair is now all over anything she touches. She is thinking about letting Christie cut it short. Christie (Michiel's wife) cut her hair shorter last week when she cleaned Mom's house. It's cute but we've not taken a picture. I know that will be the hardest part (at least for me) because it's an outward sign of the inward battle. Not that hair is eveything, but it's always been the sign of tragic illness. Hard to think of MY mom being that ill. My girls have said how hard it will be to see their Nani without hair. It will be just another hill to climb, conquer and rejoice in!

Mom has chemo again this Wednesday. This will be 2 of 6! Two down!!!

She is VERY anxious about the white blood cell count shot! The doctors have said they would lessen the amount, but she is very scared. There is NO WAY it could be worse than last time. It's the unknown that is the worst. She is weary of being weary.

**Pray for Mom & Dad to stay positive & for the shot to have minor effects this time! Pray for Dad (nurse Mike) to continue to stay strong & healthy. **

Thank you for your prayers, calls, emails & cards. Mom still loves her cards! Thank you also for those of you that check on Mom & Dad each week, have shown up with food, done chores, etc...! You are angels! You know how special you are to me & how much our family loves you!

Hair Cut Day

Today the grandchildren braided Nani's hair & cut pieces to take to remember to pray. It was hard for Mom to sit up too long, so we only got a few cut, but Christie (Michiel's wife) is going to finish the "do". Mom is going to get a short cute cut before her hair starts to come out.

Today was better for Mom. Her stomach is better & she is able to carry on a conversation. Thank you for your prayers!

**pray for strength & getting "back to normal" before the 2nd round of chemo **

darn Dehydration!!!

Today was yet another bad day. Dad had called the oncologist office several times and the last time was told to bring Mom in to be checked. It turns out that Mom was dehydrated (because her stomach has been very upset) She's been drinking, but it wasn't enough to offset the stomach.

She is home after getting fluids & feeling better but still lousy. They told her that next go round, they would lessen the shot & give her drugs to help the pain that the shot causes. They have to figure out the right combination of everything & it takes a while to get it all right.

Obviously, Mom is not checking her email or facebook, but I do read everything to her every time I come over. She loves to read the comments on here also.

Please leave a comment if you have any inspiration to give. She would love to hear from you! (just doesn't want to talk to anyone :)

**praying for strength tomorrow & brighter days before her next round of chemo!**

Angels Among Us

Lots of tears for me today. It was a hard day for everyone.  Last night, Mom wouldn't talk to me on the phone, so I knew she was in a bad way!  I drove to her house today & it's difficult for me to believe that she could get much worse.  I've never seen her the way she was when I arrived; pitiful & miserable.  I managed to talk her into getting out of bed, into the shower & sitting up.  I can do the drains, scars, hospital, meds, etc....but it's excruciating to watch someone you love suffer and not be able to do one thing to help.    

Just as I was trying to hide my tears from Mom (my hands were covered with her hair when I helped wash it) an "angel" appeared at Mom's door.  She sat with Mom.....gave her eating  tips........offered an understanding shoulder; an ear to listen.....cried with her & prayed with her.  See...... the "angel" that came to Mom's door knows all about breast cancer & the bad days ahead for Mom because she's lived it.  She used her experience to support & love Mom.  Nothing compares to having someone that understands exactly what you need & the hurt you're feeling. 

Mom had told me moments before the doorbell rang that she didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone, but God knew better.  He sent someone at EXACTLY the right time to offer all She knew to help.  God is so good & amazing in His timing.  Mom was given a dose of love and support that could ONLY have come from someone that had lived it.  I know it touched Mom & gave her the strength that she was missing.  The "angels" among us are the ones that share their own valleys & trials in life to help lift others up & tell us that we CAN do it ; that we WILL make it to the other side.  

Thank you to Mom's "angel" today (you know who you are!) & to all the "angels" that bring food, send cards, clean backyards, clean the house, offer a word of encouragement, and most of all pray!  You are "angels" in the life of a special & precious lady! 

**Praying tomorrow will be a better day with no bone pain. **

What a blessed day because our Lord rose!  

Not been such a great day for Mom today.  She has been miserable all day long.  After the injection to increase white blood cell production, she has been achy.  They forewarned her, and she feels like she has the flu.  She can't sleep, has no interest in television or reading and doesn't like to stay out of bed too long.  She is worried because of the amount of sleep she is wanting, but I keep telling her that's her body's way of healing.  I told her we'd get out in the sunshine this week when she begins to feel better.  Dad wakes her up for medicine and to eat.  He's trying to keep plenty of fluids in her also.  It's hard to see her so miserable when there's nothing I can do to help. 

If any of you have been through this and have some good tips, we'd love to hear them.  She gets frustrated with the nurses that tell her to walk around the block when she barely has the energy to walk around the house.  Please pray for more energy and for her spirits to remain high.  Thank you for your support, cards, meals and prayers!  You are a blessing. 

1st day of chemo

Today was the first day of chemo for Mom. She received three meds including the "red devil". More than the medicine, she was very upset about the fact that she'd not lost any weight.....ha!

This was a very emotional day for her. She woke at 3 a.m. and had a meltdown. She has not shed a tear to this point, so it was about time. I think the weight of it all finally settled in her mind. The reality of the yuk of everything! She was shaking, crying and just needing hugs from Dad.

Chemo went as well as it could go. Her doctor is very proactive with preventing nausea and she's had gobs of meds for that. Prayers were answered and she did not get sick. She ate before and during chemo (took Brenda Avance's advice and got a cold slushy drink) She loved her cherry limeade cream slush from Sonic. She felt sleepy during the almost 4 hours we were there but no sickness. She's home and has eaten a little bit more. She is about to settle in for the night and hopefully get a good nights rest. She has to go back to the doctor tomorrow for a shot to keep her white blood cell count elevated. An interesting note: the pharmasist told us today that shot was one of the most expensive meds. Guess how much???? $7,000 for one shot! I should have pursued a career in drug development. Ha!

She is going to stop with the "filling" of her expanders for now. The doctor said they needed a rest. That will be great for Mom, because they are what give her the most pain. Her port is very close to the expander on the left side and it needs time to let the swelling go down.

We are taking one day at a time and praying and hoping for sick free days. We've been told that her hair would be falling out between now and three weeks from now at her next appointment, so all your gifts of hats and scarves will come in handy soon.

She asks that you continue to pray for no swelling in her arm and no sickness. You are a blessing to our family with your cards, emails, prayers, calls and food! How do people make it through the valleys of life without God and friends of faith on their side? He is the reason we are able to have peace about anything and everything. He is in charge and holds us all in His hands.
"Praise the Lord and never forget the good things he does for us..."Psalm 103: 3-5

Carolyn's Cause for Survival party

Sunday afternoon, we had a surprise party for Mom at her house. I invited her entire email list, so there were many names I did not have that I would have liked to have had. Funny enough, there were also names on her list of people from high school and as far away as Alaska. There were those she had not seen in decades and all of a sudden, they got an invitation. She was embarrassed, but there was no other way because I was not familiar with several of the names on her list. I couldn't ask her or she would have known about the party. I had no expectations for people out of town to be able to come...I was just hoping for cards of encouragement. But, there were so many friends and family that were able to come and Mom was overwhelmed. She was very excited and touched by the outpouring of love and support. She had fun opening hats, scarves, and sweet notes of scripture and encouragement. She was especially touched by the effort and love of several friends from the past. Friends that Mom and Dad had not seen for years and years; some college friends traveled many miles to share in celebrating Mom. Mom and Dad had a great time visiting and reconnecting. It was a surprise for both of them. I appreciate everyone, near and far, who came to support and love on Mom and Dad! Thank you, thank you, thank you to Laurie, Christie and Stephanie for all their hard work in planning Mom's party. It was perfect because of you! Thank you to Kimberly for the aweseome video!!! That is a one of a kind special memory for the rest of Mom's life. We can never repay you for that!

Thank you also for the many many prayers being said for Mom all over the country. She loves to tell her doctors that she has people praying for them/her literally from Alaska to Florida. She feels your prayers and will need them more than ever in the weeks to come.

She's a bit anxious about the first chemo treatment. Having never done this before, she has no idea what to expect. As always, she faces the challenge with optimism and resolve.

She learned today that she did not get the side of the clinical trial that she was hoping for. There were two possible treatments plans......the old tried and true (with three harsh drugs) and a new treatment being tested (with only two drugs). We were disappointed when we learned that she will be having the treatment with three drugs. Mom had so been hoping for the treatment without the drug known as the "red devil", but maybe God has a reason for the three drug route....it may be better for her in the long run.
Mom says all things happen for a reason....